Getting to Know Your Inner World: An Introduction to IFS Therapy

Have you ever caught yourself feeling pulled in two directions at once? Maybe part of you longs to rest while another part insists you should be working harder. Or part of you wants closeness with someone while another part holds back. These inner battles can stir up a lot of distress, leaving you feeling stuck, conflicted, or even ashamed.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, offers a different way of looking at these experiences. Instead of treating conflicting thoughts and feelings as problems to fix, IFS invites us to get curious about them. It’s built on the belief that every part of us has a good reason for being the way it is and that healing happens when we build a compassionate relationship with those parts.

What Is IFS Therapy?

IFS starts with a simple idea: our inner world isn’t just one voice or one way of being. It’s made up of many different parts, each with its own thoughts, feelings, and motivations. Over time these parts develop to help us handle life’s challenges. Some take on protective roles while others carry hurt or vulnerability.

What’s unique about IFS is that it doesn’t aim to get rid of any part of you. Instead, the goal is to help each part feel understood and supported so it can relax and shift into a healthier role.

At the center of it all is what IFS calls the Self. You might think of Self as the calm, steady part of you, the part that’s naturally compassionate, curious, and grounded. Many individuals experience Self as a wise parent that can help support and stability to our internal system. When we’re in Self we can approach our inner world with kindness and clarity rather than judgment or fear.

The Different Types of Parts

In IFS, we often talk about three broad categories of parts that show up in most people:

Exiles: These are the parts that carry pain, fear, or shame from past experiences. Often other parts try to keep them tucked away because their feelings can feel overwhelming. Many people think of these as their younger or more vulnerable inner selves that long to be seen and soothed.

Managers: Managers are protective parts that try to keep life in order and prevent us from feeling hurt. They might show up as inner critics, perfectionists, or overachievers. Their drive often comes from a wish to keep everything safe and predictable, even if it means holding you to impossible standards.

Firefighters: Firefighters are also protectors but they react in the moment when big emotions flare up. They might push us toward distractions like food, substances, scrolling endlessly on our phones, or working too much to numb out feelings that feel too big.

How Parts Shape Our Daily Lives

One of the most eye‑opening things people discover in IFS work is how these parts quietly drive day‑to‑day behaviours.

• That relentless inner critic pushing you to work late into the night might be a Manager part trying to keep you safe from failure.

  
  

• The part of you that over‑prepares, over‑achieves, or constantly says “yes” might be trying to keep everyone happy so you’re never rejected.

  
  

• The part that reaches for your phone, food or other substances when stress hits could be a Firefighter doing its best to soothe overwhelming emotions quickly.

  
  

When we begin to see these patterns through the lens of parts, it’s easier to meet them with compassion rather than shame.

How Does IFS Therapy Work?

IFS has a gentle step-by-step process that allows you to become more aware of your inner world and build a relationship with your parts.

First, we notice and name what’s happening inside. Instead of saying, “I’m anxious,” you might say, “A part of me feels anxious.” That simple shift creates space between you and the feeling.

Next, we get curious. What is this part trying to do for you? How old is it? What is it afraid would happen if it didn’t do its job? This curiosity often reveals that even the parts we dislike are trying to help in their own way.

Then, we build trust. Over time, as parts feel heard and cared for, they begin to trust the Self—that calm, steady center, and let go of extreme roles.

Finally, we gently meet the exiles. With safety and support, you can begin to witness and soothe the parts of you that carry old pain, helping them unburden and heal.

Why IFS Can Be So Transformative

People often tell me that IFS feels different from other approaches because it’s not about pushing parts away or trying to change yourself through force. It’s about listening, understanding, and leading your inner system with compassion.

It can help with:

• Reducing inner criticism and self-judgment

• Gaining emotional balance

• Healing from trauma in a safe and supported way

• Feeling less stuck and more whole

• Create an internal relationship to our parts with compassion and understanding

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A Small Step You Can Try

If you’d like to dip your toes into this work, here’s something simple you can try on your own this week:

When a strong feeling comes up, pause and notice it. Instead of saying, “I’m angry” or “I’m anxious,” try saying, “A part of me feels angry,” or “A part of me feels anxious.” Then take a moment to see if you can sense what that part might be trying to do for you. You don’t have to fix anything—just notice and listen.

Sometimes that little shift in perspective is enough to create a surprising sense of calm and clarity.

IFS therapy is a gentle and powerful way to explore your inner world. By getting to know your parts and leading with Self, you can move toward healing, balance, and a deeper sense of peace within yourself.